Ms.HummingDeer

22 and tattoo'd and pierced.
Live life day to day and to the fullest. Employed.
Independent and Stubborn. Rough past. Rape survior, and Anorexia/Bulimia fighter..
Well, it’s almost midnight and I’m chilling at my boyfriends place again. I feel a little out of place and just tired. Tired mainly because of my antibiotics and out of place because…well…when it comes down to it I’m kind of an orphan? I don’t really have much of a family other than my brother and mother. So, of course on holidays such as this one I always get pretty upset. Not so much upset, but I just feel the need to hide into myself. My boyfriend and his family have really taken me in. Very,VERY quickly. It really honestly has taken me aback. It does make me still feel a tad uncomfortable but in some ways they are kinda like the family I never had and on some nights growing up, the family I kinda secretly dreamed I was a part of. I know this is depressing to read, but I am really thankful for this family that has adopted me. I know he and I haven’t been dating for very long but I’m really…really grateful for everything him and his family have done for me. I just wish I wasn’t so awkward about things. I wish I didn’t get so uneasy and just nervous when people try, or get away with doing good deeds for me. I’m getting better at this. I am. I am really REALLY trying! Promise! >___< I kind of wish my family wasn’t so broken….anyway! Here’s a picture from one of my favorite shows! :) merry Christmas guys and I hope you all have a good one!
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13 Notes
Post 4 months ago
Learning to accept that I will never get an apology from them was just the first step to my recovery. I’m glad I took that first step, or I would never be the person I am today.
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22369 Notes
Post 5 months ago
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68 Notes
Post 7 months ago

Susane Colasanti, Waiting For You (via wordsofmosaic)

(via wordsofmosaic)

Things fall apart, even when you think they’re stronger than anything you could ever imagine.
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6 Notes
Post 7 months ago
So much is running through my head. I’m tongue tied with every word I want to say. I’m ridden with guilt and I’m starting to make my self sick with nerves. Why can’t I just spit it out? I know I don’t have much to lose but it’s not myself that I’m worried about. I just want to run away and hide. That’s the cowards way out though. I really need to man up and just speak the truth. Just spit it out. Tell him how I feel. Rip the band aid off as my friend has told me. But why is ripping the band aid off so scary? Maybe it’s not the ripping of the band aid that scares me. It’s the fear of what will happen once it’s ripped off that frightens me…
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13 Notes
Post 7 months ago
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13021 Notes
Post 11 months ago

I love this song and video. It’s what I keep listening to at the moment. Darrell is upset that I don’t feel like opening up right now…so he’s playing CoD in the other room..I feel so alone…and I want to cry…*sigh*…

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Post 2 years ago
self explanatory. I really feel alone right now even though I’m with my boyfriend. I shouldn’t feel this way. He made me an amazing dinner, bought my favorite bottle of wine and then he even went to cinnabon before he picked me up and surprised me with a cinnamon roll. Why do I still feel so alone? I feel like I don’t have any friends. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. I feel like I’m not me but I am. Like I’m someone else but not really myself if that makes any sense? I love my boyfriend, I really do. I can usually open up to him but for some reason I can’t about this. Right now, I just really want to light up and smoke a bowl but he doesn’t approve of me doing that. So now I’m just getting irritated because I have to wait till morning when he’s gone to smoke. So, I’m getting snippy with him. Not just because of how I’m feeling, but also cause I just want to get high and just be alone. I know he can sense something is wrong…and he wants me to talk, but it’s just too hard…. What’s wrong with me?….why can’t I just open up?…there is so much people  know about me…I just want to be able to be me…I’m afraid if people knew me, for who I am..they would be so quick to judge and just not want to be around me…
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8 Notes
Post 2 years ago
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